Today someone told me that there are unfortunately people out there who think suicidal ideation is a mental illness, because these people would not have the "inherent will to survive". I have seen many people over the years who were suicidal, or, sometimes thought of how it would be if... And I learnt a lot from them. Especially about survival.
Suicidal ideation does not develop overnight.
It is not a lack of survival instinct.
People who start thinking of suicide have been surviving for a long time. Often, they exerted all the options that they could see to make things better.
They tried everything that was within their means;
ignore the dark feelings, just continue to live, move on after trauma, try to forget, seek help, get medication, try to talk to friends, or stay quiet...
These people have been surviving for months, years, sometimes even decades.
Not LIVING, like you and I, no, surviving.
Every day.
Trying to get through another day.
Imagine fighting to keep your head above water whilst the waves are growing bigger,
You feel you are drifting further away from land.
You swim, you kick, paddle, choke in the water, to no avail.
Every day, you would swim against the current and not find a place to catch a breath,
Judging yourself because you think you should be able to swim as effortlessly like all the others around you.
The thought starts to take hold of you that there must be something wrong with you.
You become quiet, put up a facade, because you want so desperately join the others in LIFE.
And if you find the guts to be vulnerable and share glimpses of your darkest pit,
If you gathered the courage to tell someone that sometimes you feel like giving up,
They brush it off, tell you not to say such things, be angry or panic and get concerned for you.
And you don’t want to drag them with you.
So, you are swimming by yourself again, in that stormy ocean. Pouring rain.
And then, when you are depleted,
When there are no other ways and resources anymore opening up to you.
You have no more energy to look for ways out or forward, when everything,
even surviving is costing too much energy,
when the hope is lost that you can one day LIVE, instead of merely survive, or even exist,
Then it is a very sensible idea that maybe relief and peace can be found in death.
Because that is the only thing you have not tried yet.
Surviving is usually a temporary state, which bridges the transition from the experience of a traumatic event to a state of LIVING, where you can experience the joy, life energy and excitement of a vibrant future again.
To call suicidal ideation a mental illness because these people do so-called not have the will to survive, is plain devaluating, disrespectful and very UNHELPFUL. If anyone knows about survival, it is these people who have been living in the shadows between life and death, these people who have been surviving every day.
Suicidal ideation is a SYMPTOM of people who had to SURVIVE, all alone, for too long. It is an answer to an unresolved state of survival.
So please, if someone talks to you about giving up, be that piece of driftwood in their wild ocean. So they don’t have to swim for that bit. Listen, stay close, open your heart. So they can share their thoughts and shadows without feeling that there is something wrong with them. So they can safely unfold themselves without having to be concerned to be treated as a pariah. Life is already hard enough. When you are drowning, a diagnosis that your swimming skills are not good enough is not helping. You need a hand, warmth, loving eyes that tell you that they will stay with you, and that you are not alone.
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